Jump to content


Florida (or MS or AL or PA or...) Man (or Woman or Other)


8 replies to this topic

#1 LFC

    Fiscal Conservative

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 31119 posts
  • LocationPennsylvania

Posted 21 August 2019 - 01:01 PM

Seems like we need a thread just for ridiculous people in non-political situations.

First up, "a Florida man..."

Quote

A Florida man was arrested Monday after allegedly botching a castration surgery on another man he met online through a fetish website, authorities said.

Gary Van Ryswyk, 74, has been charged with second-degree felony of practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury for the August 18 incident, according to the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies arrived to Van Ryswyk’s home in Central Florida just before midnight on Sunday to respond to “a 911 hang-up,” the sheriff’s office said in an unusually flippant, pun-filled news release.

“These are pretty routine and deputies respond to many of them per shift,” the sheriff’s office said. “But most of them don’t make the cut when it comes to being memorable.”

Van Ryswyk allegedly told authorities he had “just performed a castration” on a man he had met on a “dark web” site for those who have “a castration fetish.” He’d allegedly told the man that “when he was younger and living on a farm he would have to perform castrations” on bulls and other animals.

Inside Van Ryswyk’s guest bedroom, deputies found a 53-year-old man from Tampa holding a bloody towel on his groin. The man was not identified by authorities.

“Nearby, there was a pink container which held two body parts that had recently been much closer to the victim,” the sheriff’s office said in the release.

Elsewhere in Van Ryswyk’s house, authorities said they found a “makeshift surgical room” with medical equipment, painkillers, and a camera to record the various procedures.

Van Ryswyk allegedly said he used painkillers he’d purchased online from England, as well as forceps and scalpels, to perform the procedure—but the man’s uncontrollable bleeding made it difficult for him to close the open wound.

The man was flown to Tampa General Hospital for “life-saving measures” and is currently in stable condition.

Van Ryswyk allegedly said the two had met one week earlier and tried to perform the castration at a local motel, but the man became too aroused while his penis was being sanitized, according to an arrest report obtained by The Daily Beast.

Van Ryswyk, who is currently being held on a $250,000 bond, allegedly confessed to performing a similar operation several years ago in a motel. That procedure also ended badly, and the unknown man went to the hospital, authorities said.

" 'Individual conscience' means that women only get contraceptives if their employers, their physicians, their pharmacists, their husbands and/or fathers, pastors, and possibly their mayors, Governors, State Secretaries of Health, Congressmen, Senators, and President all agree that in that particular case they're justifiable." --D.C. Sessions

"That's the problem with being implacable foes - no one has any incentive to treat you as anything more than an obstacle to be overcome."

"The 'Road to Serfdom' is really all right turns." --Progressive Whisperer

""The GOP ... where every accusation is also a confession." --Progressive Whisperer

#2 pnwguy

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1908 posts
  • LocationPortlandia

Posted 21 August 2019 - 01:48 PM

View PostLFC, on 21 August 2019 - 01:01 PM, said:

Seems like we need a thread just for ridiculous people in non-political situations.

First up, "a Florida man..."
I'm not one to shame anyone's kinks. But...it goes to show you that there is a serious percentage of Americans with mental illness issues. That might explain how we ended up with one in the White House. And he's just as unskilled in his coarse surgical jabs on the American body as this dope is.
"All glory to the HypnoTrump, or else..."

"It all makes sense when you remind yourself that the GOP is no longer a political party but turned into an organized crime family"

"I hope to live long enough that the name Trump is reviled as much as the name Hitler or Stalin"

#3 LFC

    Fiscal Conservative

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 31119 posts
  • LocationPennsylvania

Posted 28 October 2019 - 12:31 PM

Guess what? There's a whole website dedicated to Florida Man, Worst Super Hero Ever!

Quote

“Florida Man”. Just who is he? What is he? Is he superhuman?

With so many random acts of fuckery occurring throughout Florida on a daily basis, it seems as if his antics are motivated by entertaining and/or warning the rest of the Nation to avoid the Sunshine State at all costs.

The primary reason there’s a nearly unlimited source of Florida Man stories to write about is the state’s “Proud Open Government Laws”.

Other factors that may contribute to this phenomena include:
  • The crazy weather
  • Abundance of alligators
  • Snowbirds
  • The “General Craziness” of Florida


Here's the latest story.

Quote

A Florida Man who “let it go” all over a stuffed toy at a Pinellas Park Target is facing charges.

20-year-old Christopher Meader of St. Petersburg was arrested on Tuesday after allegedly violating multiple stuffed animals in the store. Meader went to the toy aisle, began “dry humping” a stuffed Olaf doll, then ejaculated on it.

After defiling the Olaf doll, he placed it back on the shelf, grabbed a large stuffed unicorn, and began to dry hump it as well.

Police arrived and arrested Florida Man in the store shortly after the incident. He was arrested on criminal mischief charges.

" 'Individual conscience' means that women only get contraceptives if their employers, their physicians, their pharmacists, their husbands and/or fathers, pastors, and possibly their mayors, Governors, State Secretaries of Health, Congressmen, Senators, and President all agree that in that particular case they're justifiable." --D.C. Sessions

"That's the problem with being implacable foes - no one has any incentive to treat you as anything more than an obstacle to be overcome."

"The 'Road to Serfdom' is really all right turns." --Progressive Whisperer

""The GOP ... where every accusation is also a confession." --Progressive Whisperer

#4 LFC

    Fiscal Conservative

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 31119 posts
  • LocationPennsylvania

Posted 28 October 2019 - 12:51 PM

This time it's Arizona Man ... or perhaps Arizona Couple!

Quote

Oh boy. A video released by the US Forest Service shows the moment when a gender reveal party in Arizona went horribly wrong, sparking a wildfire that burned nearly 47,000 acres and caused more than $8 million in damage.

Shot on April 23, 2017, the clip shows a makeshift target with the words "Boy" and "Girl" written on it, placed in the middle of the desert near Green Valley, Arizona, south of Tucson.

Seconds later we hear a gunshot, and the target explodes, revealing a blue cloud and immediately igniting the surrounding brush. Someone shouts, "Start packing up!"

Posted Image

The flames spread to the nearby Coronado National Forest, where they became the Sawmill Fire and burned 46,991 acres owned by the state of Arizona, federal agencies and private landowners. Firefighters from at least 20 agencies fought the fire for about a week, according to CNN affiliate KGUN-TV.

The man who shot the target, off-duty US Border Patrol agent Dennis Dickey, pleaded guilty in September of this year to a misdemeanor violation of US Forest Service regulations and was sentenced to five years' probation. He also was ordered to pay $8,188,069 in restitution, starting with an initial payment of $100,000 and monthly payments thereafter.

The expectant dad, 37, had packed the target with a highly explosive substance called Tannerite and shot it with a high-powered rifle, according to the US Attorney's Office. The target was supposed to burst pink or blue to reveal to attendees whether Dickey and his wife were expecting a boy or a girl.


I guess it should have blown up red, the color of debt! I was tempted to put this into the Guns thread. For all the "responsible gun owner" talk there really is a massive irresponsible streak running through the gun enthusiast world. It's not all about defense, hunting, and/or shooting proficiency. There's a shit-ton of machismo and just plain wanting to blow the shit out of something. It's tough to defend your seriousness on the issue when you play with exploding targets.
" 'Individual conscience' means that women only get contraceptives if their employers, their physicians, their pharmacists, their husbands and/or fathers, pastors, and possibly their mayors, Governors, State Secretaries of Health, Congressmen, Senators, and President all agree that in that particular case they're justifiable." --D.C. Sessions

"That's the problem with being implacable foes - no one has any incentive to treat you as anything more than an obstacle to be overcome."

"The 'Road to Serfdom' is really all right turns." --Progressive Whisperer

""The GOP ... where every accusation is also a confession." --Progressive Whisperer

#5 Rue Bella

    Emerging from a state of cryogenic denial

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 8108 posts
  • LocationSoCal

Posted 28 October 2019 - 01:02 PM

Quote

A Florida man was arrested Monday after allegedly botching a castration surgery on another man he met online through a fetish website, authorities said.

WTH??? I have lead a sheltered life!

Quote

With so many random acts of fuckery occurring throughout Florida on a daily basis, it seems as if his antics are motivated by entertaining and/or warning the rest of the Nation to avoid the Sunshine State at all costs.

Silly me. And here I thought people went to Florida to take advantage of the warmer winters.

Where will the crazies go when climate change submerges the place? Mississippi?
What is wrong with these people? ~ PG

California Secession - Let my people go!

#6 AnBr

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 13770 posts

Posted 28 October 2019 - 01:06 PM

View PostLFC, on 28 October 2019 - 12:51 PM, said:

I guess it should have blown up red, the color of debt!

So that is why the red states are red. The POG, party of debt.
“Trump’s a stupid man’s idea of a smart person, a poor man’s idea of a rich person & a weak man’s idea of a strong man.”

— Fran Lebowitz


“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It's simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”

— Carl Sagan


Pray for Trump: Psalm 109:8

"Science is more than a body of knowledge; it is a way of thinking. I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time - when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the key manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers arc in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority; when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness.

— Carl Sagan
The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark
1995


“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

— H.L. Mencken
On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe


“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”

— Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Second inaugural address January, 1937

#7 baw1064

    formerly of the public sector

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 5112 posts
  • LocationEarthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanos--oh my!

Posted 28 October 2019 - 01:36 PM

Quote

The primary reason there’s a nearly unlimited source of Florida Man stories to write about is the state’s “Proud Open Government Laws”.


I sure hope sunlight is as good a disinfectant as is claimed!
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not.” --Dr. Seuss

#8 D. C. Sessions

    I don't have to pretend to be an adult any more

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 10272 posts
  • LocationCentral New Mexico

Posted 28 October 2019 - 01:58 PM

View PostRue Bella, on 28 October 2019 - 01:02 PM, said:

Where will the crazies go when climate change submerges the place? Mississippi?

With any luck, they'll remain in denial until it doesn't matter any more.
The way a lot of catastrophes happen is that X doesn't occur because there are safeguards in place, therefore people assume X isn't a worry and they remove the safeguards. Then X happens.
— Nate Silver
"Robots aren't the problem. Capitalism is." -- Last words of Stephen Hawking.
These days, "libertarian" is just a euphemism for a Nazi who's afraid to commit.
"If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." -- Heather Heyer
"I'd rather have my child, but by golly, if I gotta give her up, we're gonna make it count." -- Her mother
"Your purpose, then, plainly stated, is that you will destroy the Government, unless you be allowed to construe and enforce the Constitution as you please, on all points in dispute between you and us. You will rule or ruin in all events." -- some RINO

#9 LFC

    Fiscal Conservative

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 31119 posts
  • LocationPennsylvania

Posted 28 October 2019 - 01:59 PM

View PostRue Bella, on 28 October 2019 - 01:02 PM, said:

Where will the crazies go when climate change submerges the place? Mississippi?

Any Congressional district that voted for Trump will do just fine I'm sure.
" 'Individual conscience' means that women only get contraceptives if their employers, their physicians, their pharmacists, their husbands and/or fathers, pastors, and possibly their mayors, Governors, State Secretaries of Health, Congressmen, Senators, and President all agree that in that particular case they're justifiable." --D.C. Sessions

"That's the problem with being implacable foes - no one has any incentive to treat you as anything more than an obstacle to be overcome."

"The 'Road to Serfdom' is really all right turns." --Progressive Whisperer

""The GOP ... where every accusation is also a confession." --Progressive Whisperer





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users